It has been a trying season (to say the least) since Kyler and I broke up. The first week was immense sadness, the second week was more anger, the third week it started to feel like everything was going to be fine? Then the following week was a deep, deep sadness once again. Here I am around the fifth week and it still feels surreal. How have I been coping? I have no idea. It’s worse when I’m alone, but I don’t have the desire or the energy to be around other people. I’ve been wanting to dedicate myself to some self-care methods (journaling, going to the gym, maybe even therapy/counseling), but no desire seems to be stronger than just wanting to lay in bed and do nothing.

I feel so much negative energy around me all the time. I assume the worst in people and in situations. I judge anyone who does something I don’t agree with. I question my self-worth and my character. I don’t feel like myself right now (nor do I like myself very much).

I seem to have forgotten the weight of prayer, which makes me really sad. It’s time I intentionally choose to reconnect with myself, and with God (even if I really don’t feel like it).

God, I feel so far away from You. Yet in my heart, I know You are near. Would you continue to draw me closer and closer, back to You. I praise you for being a gracious and a sovereign God. I’m not sure why it’s been so difficult for me to come to you during this time.. but I’m sorry. I know you are my Father who loves me so deeply, and you are my greatest Comforter. I pray that you would pull me through this season of depressive feelings and habits. Would you help me to see the bigger picture, and remind me that there is purpose in everything that happens in our lives – for the greater good. Grant me peace and understanding.. In Your Son’s loving and holy name, I pray. Amen.