It’s been on my mind to write something on here for a few weeks now, maybe I’ve just been tired of thinking and feeling that I’ve been putting it off. Somehow I’ve managed to reluctantly make my way here and start typing so I guess that’s a good thing!

One of my biggest post-break up struggles has been defining my self-worth. Though I’ve always struggled with feeling inadequate, I felt even more desperate for some sort of affirmation from anybody and everybody. My mind is filled with questions like why am I never good enough.. should I have tried harder on my end even though I feel like I tried my best.. should I have just settled and accepted that was the most love I was ever going to get from someone, instead of feeling like I deserved more? Also the classic post-break up sentiment of “what’s the point”: what’s the point of letting someone into my life like that.. inviting them into the most intimate parts of my life.. all for what? ..to then waste a ton of energy trying to be friends after? LOL but that’s besides the point.

It’s one of my most stubborn journeys – the process feels like it’s at a standstill (but I know it’s not haha).. I’m finding my worth in Christ.. I’m learning what it means to accept that I was made in His image and what that might look like in my life. The fact is that it is a process, and kind of an uncomfortable one in which I’m also learning to be patient.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”

Psalm 139:13-15

Heavenly Father, I give You so much thanks for drawing me near to You during this time. In this moment and in this season, I would rather be nowhere else.. You’ve made me in Your image, as a minuscule part of this massive world, but with great purpose.. and lately I’ve been reminded that whatever pain and suffering I am feeling right now is yes, a part of Your plan for me, but ultimately it’s all for a purpose greater than myself. God I pray, would you me help me to feel your love deep within me. I know You love Your people to no end.. but would You give me the grace to truly feel and understand the depth of Your abundant love.. and for it to be sufficient for me. For the strength and the healing You have given me thus far.. thank You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.