I’m currently reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan and one of the chapters I read today was titled “profile of the lukewarm.” It was incredibly humbling and served as a calling to evaluate my own heart. How am I living as a reflection of Christ? Am I? How can I believe in a God so great and say that I love Him, yet live like I am in love with the things of this world? There is a clear imbalance.. 😦 I realized I fear being “radical” so instead I settle for being a “good enough” Christian to live in this day and age, and now that has become my norm. Honestly, that’s what I aim for sometimes – just to be “good enough.” What does that even mean?? Obeying Christ well enough so people around me believe I’m actually a Christian? I don’t know… What I know is that I resonated with too many of the descriptions of a lukewarm, half-hearted, partially-committed Christian. Though recognizing this is important, my prayer is that it compels me to change… not by relying on my own will/strength and trying harder, but by letting Him change me because I truly believe He wants me to change.

“When you are truly in love, you go great lengths to be with the one you love.”

Crazy Love by Francis Chan (pg. 100)

This morning, I was able to spend hours of my time with God for the first time in a LONG time.. learning more about Him… dwelling in His amazing grace… repenting of my sinful and undeserving nature… and it was such a blessed time. I didn’t want it to end – I think I could have spent all day with Him. Why don’t I? Why do I always place a limit on my time spent intentionally with Him, if any time spent at all? Why is it so hard for me to want to be in His presence, worshipping Him and all His glory? The desires I have to do other things and be with other people are a clear reflection of my heart and the things I love. I want to love God wholeheartedly. I am aware of what it feels like for me to love something or someone – I invest my time, my emotions, and I pour what I have joyfully into that thing or person, without even thinking twice.

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in joy went and sold all he had and bought the field.”

Matthew 13:44

God… how worthy is Your name! Thank you for being such a merciful God. Without Your mercy, I would be hopeless… Thank you for loving me when I am nothing but “lukewarm” and fail to love you well or even at all sometimes. I am so sorry for claiming that I love you and praising you with my words, but living a life that does not nearly reflect that. As I get to know more about You.. I am in awe of how great and complex You are, and speechless that a God so holy and so mighty chooses to love a sinner like me. I pray… for my longing and desire to know You to increase each and every day. Help me not to be distracted by the things of this world, but for me to follow You full-heartedly, without any hesitation. Help me to see that the kingdom of heaven is much more valuable than anything I have! I know this is not something I can achieve on my own.. so Father, I pray for Your help in loving You more deeply. Fill me with the Spirit to live a life that is filled with love towards others and to myself, but above all, to You. In Your Son’s holy name I pray, amen.